


Inexperienced

by LovisaCansino



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 07:11:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11248881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovisaCansino/pseuds/LovisaCansino
Summary: "You mean… you've never done this before?" Sometimes things are really not what they seem.





	Inexperienced

**Author's Note:**

> It's a bit OOC, sorry.

"Are you certain this is a good idea?"

"Well, we'll never know until we try, won't we?"

"Mrs. Hughes, I strongly suggest…"

"Oh, for the love of God, Mr. Carson, it's not that bad!"

"But, Mrs. Hughes…"

"Enough now, Mr. Carson. Will you please let me do it?"

"Neither one of us has ever done anything like it in... a very long time, I would say!"

"You would, wouldn't you? Well, all the more reason to do it. Don't you agree?

"Frankly, Mrs. Hughes..."

"Shush now, Mr. Carson. I am trying to concentrate"

"Did you... did you just shush me, Mrs. Hughes?"

"What do you think?"

Silence. He looks at her, appalled.

"Oh, please. It's not the end of the world"

"I daresay…"

"You daresay absolutely nothing"

"Mrs. Hughes, your behaviour as of late has been extremely inappropriate, if you don't mind me saying so"

"Well, I do mind, Mr. Carson. So no more of that now, please, or you will spoil the mood"

"The mood? I was not aware there needed to be a mood for us to be able to do… that"

"Now, there are many things you are not aware of, I thought we had established that years ago. And of course there needs to be a mood. How else do you think we will manage to do it?"

"It's just more complicated than I thought it would be, I suppose"

"You mean… you've never done this before?"

"Of course I've done this before, Mrs. Hughes!"

"Thank heavens! You scared me for a moment"

"But… it seems different now. I've never done it like this"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"With you, I mean"

"Obviously you've never done it with me! That is something I like to think I would remember!"

"And it's all a bit… hurried, don't you think?"

"Of course it is hurried! We don't have much time!"

"Still… does it absolutely need to be like this? Shouldn't we take our time, in order to do things the way they should be done?"

"We'll have to risk it, Mr. Carson"

They work in silence for a few moments, each engrossed in their own tasks. She notices his movements getting more frantic.

"Careful there, or you may end up hurting yourself"

"Aw!"

"What did I say?"

"Should have warned me earlier"

"Come here, Charles. Let me take a look"

"Don't make it worse!"

"Oh, please. Don't be such a baby. Now, get back to it, the clock is ticking"

"Mrs. Hughes…. Elsie. Surely you will allow me a moment or two to recover"

"Recover? It was just a scratch, Mr. Carson! It didn't even draw blood!"

"Still, my skills could be severely damaged by such a wound"

"Mr. Carson, I am beginning to think you are being purposefully unhelpful!"

"I wouldn't dream of it, Mrs. Hughes"

"Please, Mr. Carson. We do not have much time. The family will arrive any second now, and this needs to be done and dealt with by then. And we are no closer to the end than we were ten minutes ago!"

"Say, Elsie. How long does this usually take?"

"Not that I have much experience on the matter, as you well know… But I suppose it normally takes about half an hour. Although I have heard it can take way less than that, or far more. It depends, of course"

"On what?"

"On whether we want it done properly or not"

"And of course we want it done properly. It should take less time, then?"

"No, Mr. Carson. I'm afraid it will take more"

"But it makes no sense!"

"If you don't mind me saying so, I don't think anything about this whole situation makes sense"

"You're right, of course"

"Mr. Carson, a little help with this, if you would. I don't think I can manage to tackle that."

"Why ever not, Mrs. Hughes?"

"It seems awfully… big, don't you think?"

"I wouldn't say so. But if you're afraid, I could always…"

"I am not afraid! Just a bit… inexperienced. It also seems very heavy. So, I need your assistance. Quickly, please"

"It is not heavy at all. The trick is to hold it near the base, like this. See? And not near the tip, like you've been doing"

"Thank you. You can get back to what you were doing before, I can manage it now"

"You seem nervous, Mrs. Hughes. Flustered, even"

"I most certainly am not. Just... in a hurry"

"Of course. Forgive me for saying so"

"Get back to work, please, Mr. Carson"

"I am done with... well, that. Although I am not certain of how I should call it. Is there anything else you need me to do?"

"Of course there are! You are only leaving when we, and by that I mean both of us, are finished!"

"You're saying that, even though I am done, I'll have to wait until you are done also?"

"Exactly. Don't look so surprised, you knew it would be like this. And you are not done. Here; you can take care of that"

"How do you suppose I do it?"

"Do you need instructions, Mr. Carson? Honestly?"

"As I said, it's been quite a while since the last time. I may be a little... rusty"

"Oh, I assure you, Mr. Carson. You are not rusty at all. In fact, you're quite good at this sort of thing"

"Thank you"

"You still have to do the rest of it, of course"

"Of course"

"But so far you've been doing well"

"I am flattered"

"Well, don't be. I can still change my mind. I'll only know for sure when we are finished, of course."

"Of course"

"Are you done with that? You can move on to this. This will need more time, though. You'll have to tend to it very carefully"

"I know that, Mrs. Hughes"

"You said it's been a long time"

"It has. But I don't think one ever forgets how to do that"

"If you think so..."

"I do"

"Alright, then. You know, I am surprised we haven't been interrupted yet"

"As am I. I was expecting that Anna or one of the other maids would have stumbled upon us by now."

"I am certainly glad they didn't. We could have lost our focus"

"And we wouldn't want that"

"We can't afford that, with our time limited as it is. I sure don't fancy having to start all over again"

"Are you sure Mrs. Patmore won't be a problem?"

"Not that I like discussing Mrs. Patmore now, of all times, but... I am certain. She couldn't get here if she tried"

"Well, to be fair, we are doing this in her kitchen, after all. And in the light of day"

"And I said that's taken care of. She is still too weak to leave her bed"

"If you say so"

"I do say so. Now get on with it, man!"

"Mrs. Hughes, you are extremely feisty today, for lack of a better word. Do forgive me for being forward"

"Mr. Carson, considering our current and rather unusual circumstances, I daresay forwardness is to be expected. And yes, I suppose I am a bit feisty. The whole thing is rather exciting, don't you agree?"

"Exciting is hardly the word I would use. Frightening, surely"

"Frightening? Don't you think that might be overdoing it just a bit?"

"Mrs. Hughes, weren't you the one hurrying us along? Do pay more attention to your task, please, or else you might overdo it"

"I don't think there's such a thing as overdoing this, Mr. Carson"

"I beg to differ. If you overdo it, it might turn out a little… sensitive"

"Sensitive, Mr. Carson?"

"Yes"

"I thought you said you didn't have much experience with this sort of thing"

"I don't. That is to say, not with the making process"

"I see. Well, I think I am done"

"You'll have to put it in there"

"I know that. That's the most important part. Did you think I would forget?"

"Of course not. But, if you don't mind me asking, how exactly are you going to fit this there?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said so yourself before, it does seem a little too big"

"I'm sure it will fit in nicely, thank you"

"And if it doesn't?"

"It will take more effort than anticipated, but it should fit perfectly. You better hope it does!"

"Wouldn't dream of hoping otherwise"

"Do you suppose you could help me with that?"

"With the fitting?"

"Yes, the fitting. You were the one that said it could create a bit of trouble"

"I was merely pointing out that perhaps the space isn't wide enough to accommodate the…"

"Well, that's hardly my fault, is it? Now get down here and help me"

"I do hope that when this is over, you can get back to your normal self, Mrs. Hughes"

"Less talking, more helping"

"How can I help you if you're blocking my vision?"

"I'm not blocking your… There, now you see it? Do you think you can slide it in now?"

"My position does not allow me to do that. But maybe if I hold it still you could…"

"There! It's in. Thank you"

"Good. Can I leave now?"

"I suppose so. But don't you want to lick it?"

"Lick it? Why in the name of heavens would I want to lick it?"

"I've heard it is customary for someone to lick it after the job is done"

"Well, Mrs. Hughes, if you want to lick it, be my guest"

"I can't lick it! It would be most improper!"

"And I licking it would not?"

"That settles it, then. No one licks it"

"Good. Now can I go?"

"One would think you are anxious to leave my company"

"Not at all, Mrs. Hughes. But our recent activity has left me nothing short of exhausted. I was hoping I could rest for a bit before the family arrives"

"I might just do the same thing"

"Very well, then. Have a good rest, Mrs. Hughes, and here's hoping that we never have to repeat today's performance"

"Mr. Carson, surely you didn't find it all that gruesome? I, for one, enjoyed it quite a bit"

"As did I, of course. But next time, if there is ever a next time, I'm sure we could do without a deadline"

"My thoughts exactly"

" I'll go have my rest now. Are you going up as well, Mrs. Hughes?"

"In a moment, I want to clean up any remainders of our rendezvous"

"Ah, very wise. Do you need any help?"

"No, you can go"

"You are most kind, Mrs. Hughes. Oh, and congratulations. I daresay you saved the day"

"With your help, as always"

He smiles and bows playfully. As he leaves to get some well deserved rest, she turns back to the kitchen table and sighs, wondering how in the world she is going to clean up the mess their pie-baking event created before Mrs. Patmore decides she is well enough to leave her bed.


End file.
